How Not To Lose A Job Before You Have It: Notes For Interns

This is a post that seems like it shouldn't need to be written. Alternatively titled, "Don't Piss Off Your Boss," it catalogues a set of minimum behaviors that any intern should be aware of--if not a priori, then through some aggressive childhood or early adult socialization. As I said, this post really should not be necessary, but evidently it is.

Some internships will not lead to offers of employment after graduation because that is not what they are designed to do. For example, most small and mid-sized nonprofits don't have the luxury of hiring new staff every year, so the summer interns those offices take on get some experience, an entry on their resumes, and maybe a reference, but they're backto job hunting come fall. Other positions will not lead to permanent employment because the intern sucks at their job, or are so unpersonable that their demeanors overshadow any competency they may demonstrate. I offer the following as a last ditch effort to keep you out of the latter category (although if you need this concise list it is perhaps to late for me to help you).

You do not have to like your job to act like you like your job. Yes, you will be given some boring or otherwise not compelling assignments. Your workplace will have idiosyncracies and quirks and norms all its own, some of which may seem inane to you. Your coworkers may not be people you would choose to hang out with socially. These considerations are relevant when evaluating whether you would like to work here, but they should be irrelevant to the quality of work you produce and to the attitude you present. By all means, refrain from outright disdain. You're insulting those who do choose to work here, you're nuking your likelihood of getting positive evaluations or references, and moreover you're shooting yourself in the foot--you won't be getting interesting, challenging assignments once you've made it clear that you think you're above working here.

Don't be late. Don't show up late to the office, to meetings, to lunches or presentations. If you routinely force your colleagues to wait for you, you're telling them your time is more valuable than theirs. I assure you this is not true, and you will come to be deeply resented. I am not a babysitter, I should not need to check in on you to make sure you are where you ought to be. Likewise, complete assignments in the time allotted for them. If you expect to be late, or that your work will be delayed, check in with your supervisor well in advance. They will either tell you it's not a problem, or will decide on another course of action--giving the assigment to someone else, doing the work themselves, modifying the scope of the assignment so it can be completed on time, etc. Oh, and don't ask for an extension for stupid reasons. "I have a three-hour lunch at Chez Fancypants and then an afternoon outing to a major league baseball game" will not ingratiate you to a supervisor who is working on a deadline and who has been counting on your timely delivery of a project to meet it.

Be polite, even kind. To everyone. To your supervisors, to your fellow interns, to your support staff, to the folks in the mail room, to the strangers in the elevator. In the best of all possible worlds, rudeness is unacceptable. Even if you are working in a craven environment in which rudeness is tolerated, you have not been here long enough to know who you can safely alienate without repercussions. Hint: if you piss of your secretary, you have probably also pissed off her boss, and this bodes poorly for you.

Ask questions. I greatly prefer the periodic interruption of questions about an assignment I've made to a work product that has nothing to do with what I asked for. If you're not sure what you're supposed to be doing, or if you suspect your research is going off on a tangent, check in with your supervisor to make sure you're still on the right track.

Personality is at least as important as competency. Not everyone agrees with me, but unless someone is grossly incompetent, I will be more generous in my evaluation of a pleasant person with average work than of an unpleasant person with good work. I can teach work skills to someone I enjoy being around and who seems to want to improve. I cannot teach social skills to someone who makes me want to gouge my eyeballs with spoons. Don't think your work product will excuse your temperment. First, relatively few interns produce work that is as good as they think it is. That's only natural, because an intern is by definition just starting to gain experience in a given field. But this means it's a bit risky to assume that your work product is on its own enough to warrant a job offer--you're much more attractive as a prospective hire if people are actually interested in spending time teaching and mentoring you. Second, if you're irritating enough, a good work product ain't gonna help.

I must be getting old and crotchety, as my tolerance for whippersnappery has plummeted in the last year. I've had to write bad work evaluations for a couple of interns already, and it sucks. I know I may be costing those people job offers, so I am in the unpleasant position of lying about their performance and thereby dooming myself to have to work with them in the future, or sending them back to school unemployed in the worst economic situation of recent years. Hopefully (for them) they've done good work for other people and those positive evaluations will counterbalance my negative ones and they'll be hired to work in an office that is far away from mine. But that's not my responsibility to un-screw up their screw ups. There is no blasted reason I should have to write bad evaluations. It's not actually that hard to be a mediocre intern--it's not even difficult to be a really great one.

Money In Polite Company: "Mandatory" Donations Among Friends

Part of an occasional series on money and etiquette. If you need advice about how to handle money in polite company, email me at feministfinanceatgmaildotcom.

From this week's Dear Prudie:

Recently, I have been put in an awkward situation with my group of friends. All are involved in different charitable organizations to which they ask me to donate. However, I do not agree with the goals of every organization (particularly those that are clearly religious in nature, as I'm agnostic bordering on apathetic) and would like to be generous with only those whose missions I support. But I'm pressured to give to all because each friend knows that I've given to certain charities and expects me to donate to theirs as well. I get guilt-tripped into giving and resent it, especially when I need the money myself. The situation became worse when my friend asked me to buy goods from her son to support the Boys Scouts of America, and I refused because I don't want to financially support an organization that is openly intolerant toward homosexuals. She said I was being selfish. How do I let my friends know that while I support their right to support, I don't want anything to do with their causes?
—Philanthropicky

There are two issues here, separate but related: feeling pressured to give an amount you cannot afford, and feeling pressured to give to causes you do not support. Both can feel awkward, but in different ways. And although how you give (or don't give) your money is no one's business but your own, the fact that you're being solicited by friends rather than strangers for their pet causes means extra care is needed to avoid hurt feelings on either side.

You are the only one who knows how much you can afford (or want) to give. If you are being asked to give an amount of money that feels too steep to you, there is no shame in saying so. I would love to, but money's tight these days should disinvite further discussion from all but your nosiest friends. For the brain surgeons and i-bankers among you, pleading empty pockets isn't very credible, but I'm sorry, I've already made all my commitments for 2008 should work well. It's unobjectionable; it's not personal. Hopefully it's even true, if you have thought cohesively about what you want your own giving plan to look like. (I recommend Inspired Philanthropy: Creating A Giving Plan as a starting point for this.) For an extra soft touch, you can even tell them that if they have some information about their organization that you'll make a point of considering it next year.

Being conflict averse (and wanting to support my friends' civic involvement), I have something of a slush fund rule for "asks" that don't fit my normal giving criteria--if it's not a cause I find objectionable, I'll give up to $10 for anything a good friend is personally involved in--charity walk donations, in-kind gifts, a ticket to a benefit concert I wouldn't otherwise attend. Maybe that's a policy you could adapt to your budget for your friends' asks.

But what if the cause is one you don't support? The Boy Scouts, or proselytizing groups, or political candidates who make you want to wretch? Since these are friends, your first line of defense should be as above rather than an incredulous are you fracking kidding me?, but if that's not good enough (note: if that's not good enough, your friend has got some truly terrible social skills) it's perfectly appropriate to be more direct. I don't support the Boy Scouts/Salvation Army/Ron Paul because they discriminate/discriminate/discriminate. It's not going to be the most comfortable conversation ever, but it may be the only way to get your overzealous solicitors off your back.

But I've got to wonder: how do you manage to stay so close to people with whom you share so few values and who seem to act as though they are entitled to the contents of your wallet?

Money In Polite Company: The Gift That Doesn't Keep On Giving

I love advice columns, and I love giving advice. I also love personal finance, and you might be surprised how frequently these loves of mine intersect. If you've got any money-related etiquette questions, sling 'em this way. But in the meantime, check out the following question from this week's Dear Prudie column at Slate:

Dear Prudence,
I spend a good amount of money on things (clothes, books, toys) for my niece and nephew. My intention was that they use them until they grow out of them, and then I would get them back for my future kids. Every time I give new items, I politely remind my sister-in-law that I would "please like this back." Since my niece was born three years ago, I have been given only one item back. I have since discovered that she sells most of the things her kids outgrow. I understand they need to sell them to afford new clothes, but I am not made of money, either. How do I remind her that I want things returned, other than writing "Aunty wants this" on each piece?

—Not Made of Money

My response: First of all, let's get the semantics straight. You are not buying things "for" your neice and nephew, you are buying things "for" your yet-unconceived children, and you are grudgingly granting permission for your neice and nephew to use these toys in the meantime. That's not very nice, and I don't blame your sister-in-law (or your brother, who you do not mention) for being confused. Further, since she (and hopefully he) is busy running around after their two children, keeping them from falling to wells and such, it's a bit much to expect them to take the time to puzzle out whether their kids actually received gifts or were just warehousing toys for your future offspring. Or are some of them gifts and some are loaners? Or are they all gifts unless you have a kid, in which case they magically become loaners? Or are they loaners that have become gifts, or--oh, nevermind.

There is no good way to insist that your brother and sister-in-law return the stuff you've bought their kids without looking like (and being) a boor. If you can't afford to spend this money, don't. And if you insist on buying things for your ovaries and breaking them in on your neice and nephew, build up a stash of Playthings That Live At Aunty's House. Your neice and nephew will have a whole new treasure trove of toys that will be inherently more interesting and exciting than anything that lives at their own home, and you will be able to keep tabs (and dibs!) on your babystash.