Comments on Feminist Finance: Embracing The Pay Cut?

This is one of those weird things where economic r...

2008-05-15T16:02:00.000-05:00

This is one of those weird things where economic reasoning shouldn't matter. And that's coming from an economist! You have 1 life and you should do what you want--regardless of how it gets done. If you KNOW this is worth it and you can choose between regular financing (more debt, cutting back) or cheap financing plus strings attached (what if you break up and he demands money, what if he loses his job, etc.) choose what makes the most sense to you and just GO for it. There's always Zopa or Prosper to get cheap loans. Being independent doesn't mean you don't rely on anyone financially, but that you make good choices and pursue what's good for you--hell with constraints.

Obviously you know a lot more details about the si...

2008-05-14T22:34:00.000-05:00

Obviously you know a lot more details about the situation, so it is hard to offer advice one way or the other. However, one of my big holdups about jumping into something at my point in life (a year from graduating college) is that I don't feel like I can effectively take myself out of the job market while I go do some "fun" job, or a job that is rewarding/fulfilling in ways that don't lead to a direct career path.
I know we have different situations, but my point is that it sounds like this might be a great short-term opportunity, with the benefit of falling back on your old job (and again, only you can determine what your chances are of being able to return). Of course, it doesn't hurt to apply for the job. You may not get it, but if you do, you can always turn it down.

I recently quit my job to take off a few months be...

2008-05-14T21:57:00.000-05:00

I recently quit my job to take off a few months before moving to a new city (don't know where yet!).

I only did this knowing I had been saving/investing for 10 years and had enough to live for at least 2 years without a job. I also had to recognize that I was willing to work an hourly job if I couldn't find something in my career for a while.

But I left b/c of major unhappiness with my job and knew I have a great safety net with my family and friends.

Sometimes I stress about having cut my ties and worry about finding a new job but it is nice to take a break and be semi-carefree.

A few responses. This has been some good thinking ...

2008-05-14T19:33:00.000-05:00

A few responses. This has been some good thinking material for me, thank you.

dogatmyfinances, of course you're right I can't be sure that because I am being told now that I would be welcome back that there would actually be a space for me when that day arrives. I am confident, though, that if there is not a space for me I will have other good options. This job possibility is prestige-y enough that if they didn't want me back, someone else would.

ellen k., there is enough lead time on when this job would start that we could get Shiner's credit card debt paid off by then. Seriously, it's over a year lead time before the projected start date, a very odd situation. That amount of lead time would be nice because we could practice living at the new income level, and save up the difference and/or accelerate some debt repayment.

And all of this assumes I get the job. A 50% pay cut is a worst-case scenario based on their standard pay scales. I may finagle my way into something better. But at this point, before I have the negotiating power inherent in knowing I am the candidate they want, I need to think about whether I would be OK with the worst case scenario since there are some work-political considerations that make turning down an offer (should I receive one) very unwise.

kristen, I think your husband sounds like a winner. I think in his position I would give the same speech, but dammit, it's just hard for me to be on the receiving end of it. Maybe I would feel differently if we had made these decisions (primarily the mortgage and student loan) together, but that's all stuff I took on before meeting him so they feel especially "mine" and not yet very much "ours."

First, congrats on the opportunity. A few thought...

2008-05-14T15:54:00.000-05:00

First, congrats on the opportunity. A few thoughts:

Don't put the cart before the horse-this only becomes an issue after you have a job offer, they may be willing to negotiate.

Focus on long-term earning potential vs. short-term.

Always be hesitant accepting a salary that does not match your personal expenditures.

Hope this helps...

I think you should go for it! It is only temporar...

2008-05-14T15:36:00.000-05:00

I think you should go for it! It is only temporary and I am sure there will be times in the future where he has to financially rely on you more. I know money is obviously important- but in the long run, it is better to get different professional experiences. And it sounds like even if you cannot come back to your current job, you will easily be able to find something- everyone needs smart attorneys!

::delurking::Hi! Big fan.I faced a similar proble...

2008-05-14T11:11:00.000-05:00

::delurking::

Hi! Big fan.

I faced a similar problem when I started law school. I could take out additional loans to pay living expenses or I could allow my husband (then boyfriend) to pay my half of the expenses.

My husband convinced me with one little speech which I don't remember word for word, but what I can sort of remember was approximately:

Someday, you and I are going to be old, gray and incontinent together. We're going to share a home, a bed, and every once in awhile a toothbrush. I know that it can be scary to trust your financial life to another person, particularly when, in our society, men use money to control women. But you have to trust that I'm not that kind of man.

(long pause)

Nothing about us is changed by who makes the money. I'm not going to make you cook dinner and you're not going to watch oprah and eat bonbons. That's not who we are. We're a team. We do things together. Someday we'll even wear adult diapers together. So please say you trust me enough that we can do this together.

He's good with the guilting...

Anywho...it clarified the issue for me.

::relurking::

I have no answers, but I'm glad I'm not alone in s...

2008-05-14T11:10:00.000-05:00

I have no answers, but I'm glad I'm not alone in such thinking/questioning when it comes to trying to balance personal/financial autonomy with being part of a committed relationship.

Ditto dogatemyfinances.I quit a well-paying job, a...

2008-05-14T10:55:00.000-05:00

Ditto dogatemyfinances.

I quit a well-paying job, at which I was miserable, to freelance 2 years ago. It took almost that long for me to be comfortable with my lack of equal contribution to our finances, despite my husband's encouragement. We went from being about 55/45 in terms of salary contribution to 80/20. Working for myself is rewarding and certainly has its perks, but a feeling of equality is not among them.

You have mentioned your fiance's credit card debt in previous posts; are you certain that you can really swing this pay cut?

I would be really careful with this one. It's one...

2008-05-14T08:53:00.000-05:00

I would be really careful with this one. It's one thing to say they'd want you back. But you might have been replaced by someone fantsatic while you were gone, business might have changed, customers might have changed. Especially today, no one has too much job security.

I'm just saying that the idea that you could waltz back in might be true, but it might not when you actually show up again.

Thanks for this post. In a little while I am plan...

2008-05-14T08:21:00.000-05:00

Thanks for this post. In a little while I am planning to move out of my home state to be with my boyfriend. I'm excited about the move and not too worried about finding a new job (or staying with my current company in a different position) but I am worried that I may start out making less than I am now and not be able to "hold up my end of things." My boyfriend doesn't have any problem with making up the difference (he's got a great job), but I worry about my own independence (specially after being raised not to have to depend on men to take care of me). I think you have a bit more stability, since you and Shiner are married (or will be), while I'm not even engaged. What if we break up, or I decide that I want to come back home? Will I be able to afford to move again?

All that said, I think if you can swing it, you should take the chance. My financial fears aside, I love my boyfriend and feel like you have to take chances to get what you want. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have a few backup plans and some money socked away for a rainy day, but good things can't come to you unless you step out to meet them.

I think you should go for it. Put aside your under...

2008-05-14T08:06:00.000-05:00

I think you should go for it. Put aside your understandable feelings of guilt and focus on the fact that you are able to take this opportunity that you wouldn't otherwise be able to take. My bet is Shiner wouldn't have the same qualms were the situation to be reversed.

Many years ago, I graduated from college before a serious boyfriend. For the year he was still in school, I paid for just about everything, and it never once came up as an issue. A few years later I had an opportunity similar to yours, and he was able to support me in the way I had supported him. I felt conflicted about it, but I did it. And looking back now, 7 years later, I learned a lot from having to accept that help, and I don't have any lingering feelings of remorse.

Good luck!

Dear Feminist Finance, I'm afraid I don't have any...

2008-05-14T05:00:00.000-05:00

Dear Feminist Finance, I'm afraid I don't have any good advice for this question, but I wanted to tell you that I have developed a huge blog-crush. I just liked your sensible, feminist approach to life and finance, but then I read your anti-engagement-ring post and was SO happy to hear someone else articulating my distaste for rocks, and then I read about you setting your alarm clock fast and knew I loved you, because I do the same thing, and no one else seems to understand why the trick works.

Also, as mentioned in a prior comment, I'm applying to law school, and you seem to be a happy lawyer doing good work, and this gives me hope that I, too, will be able to financially hack being a lawyer doing good work.

Wow, I have to say that your situation is exactly ...

2008-05-13T23:15:00.000-05:00

Wow, I have to say that your situation is exactly the type of thing that worries me about staying single - I'm so used to/proud of being self-reliant that I'm very worried I won't be any good at relying on someone else (assuming I'm ever fortunate enough to find someone worth having that committed a relationship with in the first place). I can't even imagine how scary it must be to consider giving up something that is so tied to your identity but I really admire your honesty about what a struggle this is.