Comments on Feminist Finance: Wedding As Status Symbol

Hah, the popular commenting topic seems to be "men...

2008-12-16T16:49:00.000-06:00

Hah, the popular commenting topic seems to be "men I know who own a tux," which is funny 'cause that's what I wanted to comment about: in college I hung around with the orchestra dorks and/or band geeks, and you can bet that the ratio of tux ownership to classiness was much, much higher than anywhere else ;-)

We didn't focus on being frugal exactly, but we ju...

2008-03-02T21:58:00.000-06:00

We didn't focus on being frugal exactly, but we just spent money on the things we wanted and didn't on things we didn't want. About 3-5k.

I wrote about it a few times on my blog...though you've probably got all the ideas you need. :)

If you focus on one thing you want to remember abo...

2008-02-25T21:10:00.000-06:00

If you focus on one thing you want to remember about your wedding, or that you want your guests to talk about, regardless of the expense ... who's going to notice what you didn't spend money on?

Great post. As a father of a 12-year old daughter...

2008-02-25T12:52:00.000-06:00

Great post. As a father of a 12-year old daughter and the husband of a wife who wants to relive her wedding through my daughter, I look at that eventual wedding day with financial fear! :)

Best Wishes,
D4L

Pay for your wedding! That's the best and cheapes...

2008-02-25T09:44:00.000-06:00

Pay for your wedding! That's the best and cheapest way to make sure it's not over the top. You control everything. That's what we did.

We paid for everything. That meant we called the shots including the guest list.

Good thoughts.I know we did about 120 people for a...

2008-02-25T09:29:00.000-06:00

Good thoughts.

I know we did about 120 people for about $10,000 cash paid for by us 5 years ago when we got married.

We were totally happy with the outcome, despite the weather messing with our outdoor ceremony.

It can be done.

Here is old post on my thoughts if you are interested: Click here

really enjoyed the post. i think i share many of ...

2008-02-21T20:03:00.000-06:00

really enjoyed the post. i think i share many of the same ideals. the #1 would be paying for my wedding myself, even though my wedding savings fund is currently at $0. congratulations and best of luck!

Excellent post. My parents were married in the ear...

2008-02-18T13:51:00.000-06:00

Excellent post. My parents were married in the early 70s and their wedding was much more lavish than my own (they paid for my wedding, as well as a good part of my brothers'). I am not sure precisely when weddings became more elaborate, and the book "One Perfect Day" (one of my favorite nonfiction releases of last year) didn't seem to find an exact moment either, if I remember correctly. I would suspect the multimedia, worldwide coverage of Charles and Diana's marriage played a significant role in elevating our ideas of a proper wedding.

I very much like your idea of using your grandparents' standard.

I chose an engagement ring and wedding band that was one and the same, and certainly nowhere near in price what DeBeers would say I "deserved" by virtue/luck of being female and loved by a man with a good income.

I know two men who own tuxedoes -- they work in investments and PR and have more occasions to dress in black tie.

I used to think that oh... a big wedding is just t...

2008-02-18T10:35:00.000-06:00

I used to think that oh... a big wedding is just too phooey & impractical and I'm going to elope anyway and I am an independent woman who works hard for my money (so you better treat me right!) - why do I need a guy to propose to me anyway?! ;)

And now...perhaps I am more a product of my culture than I'd like to admit, but I want the white dress (doesn't have to be designer), the diamond solitaire (doesn't have to be Tiffany.. you can get lovely stones at Costco), the walk down a flower-studded aisle towards the man who got down on one knee and proposed to me.

That doesn't mean I have to break the bank to do such things, and I agree that the most important thing is to make sure that you don't mortgage your future (marriage) to pay for a day (the wedding).

I hope you have a lovely wedding!

ps., anonymous, that sounds like a lovely wedding ...

2008-02-18T10:03:00.000-06:00

ps., anonymous, that sounds like a lovely wedding to me.

Dog Ate My Finances, that's a good idea for a post...

2008-02-18T10:00:00.000-06:00

Dog Ate My Finances, that's a good idea for a post.

Re: tuxes, I'm surprised that all of the men in your wedding party already own tuxes, but I suspected as soon as I hit "publish" that someone would be in touch with me saying I was very wrong about one or more aspect of this. Of course it all depends on who your social circle is. I think if your friends already have tuxes, it's a great day for them to sport them. My issue is really with the expectation that the proper attire for men at a wedding is a tux, regardless of whether that expectation reflects the normal, non-wedding reality of the couple and their guests. A lot of the time it feels like play acting.

For example, when my brother got married, he wanted to wear his dress kilt and all the traditional Scottish accoutrements that go with it. He loves his kilt, he looks great in it, and he's very comfortable in it. His wife and mother-in-law were adamantly against that because they thought it was "weird" and that "every man should wear a tux when he gets married!" So he acquiesced and rented a tux, which was totally out of character for him and he felt uncomfortable in it. That's the kind of play-acting that feels like such a waste to me.

a) i'm the opposite - i don't know any man who ow...

2008-02-18T08:38:00.000-06:00

a) i'm the opposite - i don't know any man who owns a tux, even my millionaire friend. maybe i need classier friends? prob. not.

b) i want, desperately, to see a picture of this dress!

c) some friends of mine got married two weekends ago for less than $500 and, though she had dreamed of a "fairy tale wedding" as a kid, she said after the wedding that she couldn't think of anything more perfect. the only costs not figured into that are the rings (his was $50, but hers was around $800) and the dinner at a nice restaurant that their parents' offered to split. the photos are amazing and they don't owe anyone a dime for the ceremony. kudos to you for indulging where you'd like to and having a wedding that's within your means! bodes well for the marriage, i think.

Most of the 20s guys I know have tuxes. Particula...

2008-02-18T07:53:00.000-06:00

Most of the 20s guys I know have tuxes. Particularly lawyers and such. Every guy in my wedding party already has one. I have no idea why men rent tuxes when they could buy one that will be fashionable for years (unlike BM dresses, UGH).

I'd be more interested to hear how you got a wedding gown/reasonable venue and such. I am trying to do my wedding for less, but I don't think it's possible with our huge families for under 35K.