Embracing The Pay Cut?

A job opportunity has come up that is giving me no small amount of heartburn. The pros are numerous; the cons, less so. I am trying to decide whether to submit an application or not. I've got a very good shot at it, though it's by no means a sure thing. One thing I think is worth mulling over here is whether I am comfortable with such a steep pay cut--potentially 50%. Yeaaaaaah. It would be a temporary move, and I would be welcome back where I am now when it is all over. I would also have a lot of new paths available to me if I choose to follow them. So less money now for more flexibility later and great fun in the meantime, basically.

Here's the thing. We could swing the pay cut, Shiner and I. But I am having a hard time with the knowledge that I, individually, could not swing it. Right now, my paycheck can pay for all my expenses--mortgage, homes equity loan, student loan, groceries, utilities, retirement, other necessary stuff, some splurgey stuff. If I took this job, I would have to rely on Shiner to pay some portion of my "keep." I may not be eligible to contribute to an employer-sponsored retirement account in this new job, either, which is another serious con.

We would be fine, but I would be dependent on his salary in a way I have not had to be dependent on anyone since my parents. Part of me says that since we're a team, this would be perfectly reasonable. But I feel like maybe it's not really a fair thing to ask of him. He, for the record, seems totally fine with it, but welcome to my headcake. Just another symptom of being more comfortable giving than receiving, I suppose.

I have a lot of pride and independence issues associated with my finances, and those are proving hard to sort out. I am proud of having been able to support myself and the choices I have made in my life. A big part of my identity--bigger than I thought before faced with this--ties into that feeling of financial independence, and some amount of silly pride in the fact that we don't fit the stereotypical gender roles of man as provider and woman as provided for. This is all stuff that would probably come up for me in marriage eventually, but I thought I'd be able to ease into it a bit more and process it all a little more gradually. This job opportunity has put it into high relief, and much faster than I expected. On the one hand, I appreciate the fact that without Shiner, I couldn't even consider applying for this job. The fact that I can depend on him for that kind of support, both financial and emotional, is overwhelmingly awesome. But on the other hand, it is really scary to feel so far outside my zone and like such a big part of my self-image is up for grabs. This job decision is a decision that will have to be measured in more than just financials, even though I'm much more comfortable making a decision based on math. Numbers are straightforward-ish. Self-knowledge is more complicated and messy.