Non-Financial Financial Goals Check In

In January, I posted a number of non-financial financial goals for 2008. The end of the first quarter seems like as good a time as any to check in on my progress.

1) Floss. This has been a rousing success. This is now a regular part of the morning routine. Er, the weekday morning routine--my weekend morning routine rarely involves brushing my teeth until about noon. But I can tell my gums are happier.

2) Read one classic, free book once a month. I don't know how "classic" some of these books are, but I have done some serious novel reading, in addition to (finally) catching up on my New Yorker subscription: How The Garcia Girls Lost Their Accents, The Brief History of The Dead, Let The Northern Lights Erase Your Name (possibly the best book I've read in the last year or so), and Ways of Dying (possibly the second best book I've read in the last year or so). All things from the library, our collection, or borrowed from friends. All recommended. I'm right now working on another book I'm enjoying far less, but it was written by a friend of a friend of a friend, so I feel duty bound to give it a go.

3) Maintain a high quality blog. You know better than I do, but I haven't quit yet.

4) Build a pergola. The snow has hardly melted. We've done nothing on this.
A couple of times Shiner has mentioned wanting to sketch out some ideas, but poor thing is awfully busy these days.

Money In Polite Company: "Mandatory" Donations Among Friends

Part of an occasional series on money and etiquette. If you need advice about how to handle money in polite company, email me at feministfinanceatgmaildotcom.

From this week's Dear Prudie:

Recently, I have been put in an awkward situation with my group of friends. All are involved in different charitable organizations to which they ask me to donate. However, I do not agree with the goals of every organization (particularly those that are clearly religious in nature, as I'm agnostic bordering on apathetic) and would like to be generous with only those whose missions I support. But I'm pressured to give to all because each friend knows that I've given to certain charities and expects me to donate to theirs as well. I get guilt-tripped into giving and resent it, especially when I need the money myself. The situation became worse when my friend asked me to buy goods from her son to support the Boys Scouts of America, and I refused because I don't want to financially support an organization that is openly intolerant toward homosexuals. She said I was being selfish. How do I let my friends know that while I support their right to support, I don't want anything to do with their causes?
—Philanthropicky

There are two issues here, separate but related: feeling pressured to give an amount you cannot afford, and feeling pressured to give to causes you do not support. Both can feel awkward, but in different ways. And although how you give (or don't give) your money is no one's business but your own, the fact that you're being solicited by friends rather than strangers for their pet causes means extra care is needed to avoid hurt feelings on either side.

You are the only one who knows how much you can afford (or want) to give. If you are being asked to give an amount of money that feels too steep to you, there is no shame in saying so. I would love to, but money's tight these days should disinvite further discussion from all but your nosiest friends. For the brain surgeons and i-bankers among you, pleading empty pockets isn't very credible, but I'm sorry, I've already made all my commitments for 2008 should work well. It's unobjectionable; it's not personal. Hopefully it's even true, if you have thought cohesively about what you want your own giving plan to look like. (I recommend Inspired Philanthropy: Creating A Giving Plan as a starting point for this.) For an extra soft touch, you can even tell them that if they have some information about their organization that you'll make a point of considering it next year.

Being conflict averse (and wanting to support my friends' civic involvement), I have something of a slush fund rule for "asks" that don't fit my normal giving criteria--if it's not a cause I find objectionable, I'll give up to $10 for anything a good friend is personally involved in--charity walk donations, in-kind gifts, a ticket to a benefit concert I wouldn't otherwise attend. Maybe that's a policy you could adapt to your budget for your friends' asks.

But what if the cause is one you don't support? The Boy Scouts, or proselytizing groups, or political candidates who make you want to wretch? Since these are friends, your first line of defense should be as above rather than an incredulous are you fracking kidding me?, but if that's not good enough (note: if that's not good enough, your friend has got some truly terrible social skills) it's perfectly appropriate to be more direct. I don't support the Boy Scouts/Salvation Army/Ron Paul because they discriminate/discriminate/discriminate. It's not going to be the most comfortable conversation ever, but it may be the only way to get your overzealous solicitors off your back.

But I've got to wonder: how do you manage to stay so close to people with whom you share so few values and who seem to act as though they are entitled to the contents of your wallet?

Rental Relief for Victims of Domestic Violence

A new law in Wisconsin will allow victims of domestic violence to break their leases to protect themselves from imminent danger. Similar laws already exist in Colorado, Delaware, North Carolina, Washington, Texas, Oregon, and Illinois.

The Wisconsin law requires anyone seeking to break a lease to show documentation of a threat, such as a criminal complaint or restraining order--I wonder whether a police report might also suffice.

Some Wisconsin landlords are less than excited about the law, and at least one doesn't seem especially concerned about sounding like a jerk about it:

“I don’t know if it really protects anyone else in the building if that victim moves out,” Kintopf said. “Where does it stop? Would the bank let me out of my mortgage? Landlords are in favor of helping people, but I’m not convinced this is the best way.”

Right. Way to make yourself into the real victim here. Really keeps it all in proportion.

It doesn't sound like anyone's arguing this law doesn't impact landlords. That would be stupid--it clearly does. But what a relief that the state legislature has recognized the role economics can play in keeping victims of abuse from being able to protect themselves, and is ready to use the force of the state to alleviate some of those obstacles.